Today marks an important day in our adoption story (or so I view it to be). We have officially been waiting for a referral for 6 months today. Honestly the first 4-5 months flew by. But through the holidays and now that we've been waiting for 6 months...time seems to be slowing down. I just miss her. It seems strange to say because I've never met the little girl we will someday bring home...but I do. I miss her.
What is she doing? Who does she play with? How does she sleep? What does she think about? Is she getting enough to eat? Enough care? These are just some of the questions that run through my mind on a daily basis.
And winter around here is just hard sometimes. Maybe it's the freezing cold weather that keeps us inside all day or the lack of vitamin D that's making me feel a little down in the dumps some days. Don't get me wrong, we have so much to be thankful for (and are), but I think it's ok to have a hard day now and then. It's ok to feel sad...as long as I don't dwell on the negative.
This morning I spent some extended time praying for our daughter-to-be. It helps to bring my cares to the One-who-Provides. God knows me. Better than I know myself. He knows I'm getting antsy and He is going to teach me something through it.
Patience is a virtue, but it's not my virtue. I am pretty flexible, a little creative, easy-going, fairly organized, yada yada. But patient I am not. When we originally entered the international adoption process, we were told the wait for a referral would be 3-12 months. So of course I told myself, "oh it will be on the short end of that range, 3-4 months for sure." Why would I do that? What if we end up waiting the full 12 months? Or longer? I say I am flexible, but 12 months? When there are kids in orphanages right now who need families? Why? I don't know if I will ever fully understand all the ins and outs and red tape of international adoption.
For now, I guess our job is to wait, to pray, to prepare our hearts for this child. It's not always fun or exciting, but for now it's the way it is.
